LARA Term 3 – drawings and reflections

As you can see, this term went badly in comparison to Term 1 and Term 2:

It would be much easier not to post these as they are poor. In fact this makes it all the more important that I do post them; much more so than when things are going well. There are a few reasons for this:

It’s chance to learn something.

When things are going well, I just plough on in a, ‘great, lovely, keep doing what you are doing,’ kind of way. When things go badly I am forced to stop and consider what the problem is, to work out what has gone wrong and why, then do something about it.

There is always far more to be learnt when problems are encountered than when they aren’t. At the time this is not much compensation but I certainly hope to look back on this in a few months and know that I really learnt something.

Things do not always go according to plan

It’s important to acknowledge, to myself as much as anyone else, that things do not always proceed according to plan. It is not (despite all feelings to the contrary) the end of the world.

When the plan does not work there are some simple steps to take:

1. Figure out why it doesn’t work.
2. Change it so that it will work OR
3. Change the circumstances to allow the original plan to work.

Identifying the problem, i.e. why the plan doesn’t work, is by far the hardest part here since it requires both emotional distance and a little soul searching. I find that writing things down helps since it allows me to return to my thoughts later with a little more clarity without having to dwell on them. I like to have two columns, one headed ‘Problems’, the other ‘Solutions’, this helps to get me in a problem solving mindset. It also provides a little emotional distance; if you need more distance pretend that you are helping a friend with their problem.

Sharing the reality, as well as the dream

It’s a chance to share the reality of atelier studies (based on my experience), I’m hoping that this will help others to be better prepared and so get more out of their studies. I’m aware that the chance to study at an atelier is an enormous priveledge that I am very lucky to have but that actually makes it harder. Looking around I’d never think that this happens to other people, they all seem so together, so in control and on track; so confident in themselves and of their choices and opinions. By sharing this I hope to encourage others to share their own difficulties.

It is difficult, most worthwhile things are but I was totally unprepared for the kinds of difficulties I encountered. Frustration and failure to make progress quickly turned to anger at myself, at my failure to make the most of an amazing chance: I see it slipping through my fingers like water and scrabble frantically after the last drop as it sinks into the sand at my feet.

Perhaps everyone who studies this way has to battle their own demons. Those that go on to complete their studies are the winners; the ones we get to hear about, whose work we see and admire, whose strength of character and clarity of mind we seek out.